I love this part of the day, the bit just before everyone else gets up, or maybe the kids are up but amusing themselves in some other part of the house. I often think that I should be using this time as efficiently as possible “quick meditate or stand on your head or something….they’re coming any minute….hurry!”.
Sometimes I do meditate, or do yoga, or sit with a cup of tea; today I am blogging. I’ve never been particularly good at keeping a journal, I know what’s in my head and if I need something out of my head I’ll go dump it on my husband or friend – nice eh?
But here we are, investigating the insides of my mental anatomy bit by bit, so far I’m guessing it’s not particularly riveting. The truth is I’ve actually managed to sort a lot of crap out over the years so there’s a lot more space up there these days.
I have dealt with anxiety, depression, postnatal depression, being a stress-head, believing I was a victim of a crappy childhood, neurotic mother syndrome (I made that one up, do you like it?), I’ve harbored feelings of not being good enough, of feeling like I don’t belong and at one point I even believed that I wasn’t lovable.
But right now…I feel happy, everything around me feels lighter and calmer than it used to, it almost seems like people have stopped deliberately trying to upset or destroy me and I am free of them…I have learned to let go so I can enjoy the 5 seconds of right now before the breakfast frenzy begins.